On the familiar and the art of anticipation.

Above is Munich University.

Population of Lerwick: 7,500

Population of Munich: 1,378 million

July you are so easy.  Working my old summer job.  Living in the same house I have always lived in.  Everything is so overwhelmingly familiar.  I’m writing this in the room I grew up in, surrounded by all of my things. The wonky shelves that can’t hold too much because my Dad can’t do DIY… the cat paw marks all over my window.  It’s the small things you miss. I am away at University for months at a time – but nothing changes here and it is so effortless just to slip back in.  I really love it here.

But with the easy comes the difficult.  I find it so easy to get stuck here.  Stuck in this room, stuck in the easiness of little Lerwick.  Everything just kind of hangs here. Everyone knows everyone and everything is so comforting and expected. There are no more essays and no more exams. I am so incredibly satisfied yet.. unsatisfied here.  I find myself living free and happy – but I feel so unchallenged. It’s all too simple here. I am filled with a sort-of sadness of my nothingness.  I always feel like I am just waiting here.. waiting to go away again.

I need to be changing something, doing something.  I’m already two decades in and I need to make this count.  I’m wandering off into the unknown that is Germany in 7 weeks and 1 day and I feel excited about this leap of faith.  I need to be shaken up and lose the familiar.  A foreign country, a foreign language and not knowing anyone.  I’m moving to Germany and I don’t really even like meat or beer (help).  But this is the only way I can thrive.  I mean, I don’t even have a place to live yet.  I might not even get home for Christmas.  SO September I am scared of you – I have no idea what you will bring me.   But I suppose this blog and I shall find out together 🙂  It’s strange but it seems like everything feels so much more straightforward when it is out of my control.  I just hope I don’t have to go through any crises (…and yes I had to google the plural of crisis) as I can barely make it to the shop and back without locking myself out or forgetting my purse. When I was younger I thought 20 seemed such an old age, and that you were definitely an adult at 20.  That you had everything all sorted out.  Yeah… nope.  Still waiting on all of that.

I’ll miss the familiarity and everyone.  But I have sort of come to terms with the fact that wherever I am in the world, I will always miss someone.  And I know that all this familiar will still be here when I get back 🙂  Anyway, this blog has rambled on far too much and I have lots of things to do – food to cook, tidying up, tea to drink.

I do wonder if things will all work out. If this is a risk worth taking.  I also wonder if it should be a concern that I’m still scared of the dark?